pardon my ranting.

Okay sooooo i know i blogged just a few days ago..i think? but theres been a lot on my mind these past couple days. I mean I haven't been able to sleep this past week so ive had plenty of time to do some thinking.  so of course im going to share it with you, whoever you are.
My last blog was about happiness and how ive finally found mine, which is true.  but when i start to think i cant help but to think about the negative things.  One thing in particular i kind of put on a show for people sometimes.  for example i dont know if anyone notices or not but i actually have a pretty low self esteem which i usually hide from others because who wants people to know there not confident?  Im not sure why i have low self esteem really, its just always been like that.  Which is partly why i suck at taking compliments, as dumb as it sounds sometimes I wish people didnt compliment me so i wouldnt feel so awkward when i secretly dont accept it. Another negative thing i think about is it bothers me that people i used to be so close to aren't a part of my life anymore. I know i know, people always say there's a reason why they didnt make it to your future..but why? it just doesnt make any sense.  I am not okay with the fact that people i used to talk to everyday dont even acknowledge me anymore.  Obviously I have to move on and accept it but still i cant help but wonder why? Obviously there are more important problems in the world that make mine seem insignificant  so maybe i shouldnt wonder about the little things? I dont know whatever.  I could go on and on and on with my issues but no one wants to read that..those are just some that really really bug me.

Here's a fun fact..something i've started doing recently.  I'm not one to talk about religion partly because people just argue over it for days and partly because im not the most religious person, which isnt the best thing but i guess it just how i am, for now at least.  Anyways lately for no reason at all I just kind of started reading a lot of bible verses. All of course are inspirational and usually make me feel better? idk it was weird at first but anyways i've started to write down the ones that i like the most in a journal so that way when im feeling not so happy or whatever kind of bad mood, i can go and read my favorite ones and hope that it helps.  I haven't gotten to use it yet because i havent been any kind of bad mood recently, but im sure itll help. 
Okay that's enough ranting for one night!

xoxo.
Megan

happiness is beauty.

I have finally found my happiness that I have been waiting for for so long.  It is true what they say, good things come to those who wait.   I surrounded myself with too many negative things over the past couple years and I have finally rid my life of them and realized what is important.  I had neglected the ones that had never hurt me and were always there for me while i spent too much time focusing on the ones that always did.  Now that I know what and who is important, I couldn't be happier.  Thanks so so so much to those who helped me stand back up when i had been knocked down. you know who you are. 

verse of the day for me: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

xoxo.
Megan

ps. always wear a smile, its the best accessory a girl can have :)

Bittersweet Moment

In three days I'll be packing up everything that I've been able to stuff into my little dorm and moving it back home to campbellsville. I've been waiting for this last week of school to come for a long long time.  I even started a count down way back in January, but now that the time has come I'm not so sure how I feel about it.  For the past year this campus is what I have called home.  In the beginning it was tough moving from a small town to such a big city and not knowing where anything was at, well I still dont really know where everything is at haha  but still I have gotten used to it. Coming to UK changed a lot in my life, this time last year I would have never thought i would be where I'm at now.  Over the past year college made me realize how much I do love home and how much I miss my family when I'm away. It made me realize who I don't need in my life and who I do need.  I think the saddest part about leaving lex is leaving the friends I have made here behind.  Especially my roommate, I've lived with her for a year now and gotten used to her being here and now in a couple days she'll be gone.  It'll be weird getting used to not sharing a room with someone agan.

Now I'm about to say goodbye to this campus forever, well at least I'm saying goodbye to it as my home. It'll be a bittersweet moment that I wasn't expecting to happen.  I always swore up and down that I would never attend CU but now next semester that's where I'll be at and I can only pray I made the right decision.  And if I havent, I'll just transfer somewhere else again next year.

xoxo.
Megan

Never thought this would be me.

Lately everything seems to be going wrong in my life.  One day I had everything and the next it felt like I had nothing. I don't know why it was all took from me and I probably never will.  It's been hard, it still is hard struggling with everything and now i don't know what to do.  I need someone to come up to me and tell me what direction to go, and that everything will be alright.  Which I know it will be..eventually.  but the question is how long will I have to wait?  i'm one of the most impatient people i know and the longer it takes for everything to get better the more mad I'm going to get.  It's nice that I have my friends and family by my side trying to help me but they live an hour and a half away for me so obviously i can't always see them, so it makes it even harder.  A year ago i would have never imagined that this is how i would be today.  I'm normally a happy, optimistic outgoing person but recently since everything is going downhill i dont know where that girl went.  I wish she'd come back but right now i'm just the opposite of her.

Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong and soon everything will fall back into place, but how can you stay strong when nothing is right in life? 

xoxo.
Megan

ps. sorry this was kind of a depressing post..it just helps me to write everything out! 

The only thing for certain is uncertainity.

Life is hard. plain and simple. Everyone knows it and sometimes its hard not to complain about it.  You should  be happy that you lived to see another day, but its not always that simple.  I dont think anyone will ever know how your life can go from being perfect, to well being not so perfect in just a matter of a day.  I mean I am partly the blame for how some things are in my life because i wouldn't let myself realize what was right in front me and i took advantage of the one thing that was good in my life. And i can't say that i regret it but i can say if i could i would go back and change it.   It's odd to think how different my life was a year ago because then i had everything, i even had my future all planned out.  but now i don't know what i want.  I am grateful for what i have, such as a great family that will always be there no matter what, and friends that take my mind off the bad things in life.  I'm a optimist, i always see the good things in situations.  but lately I've been having trouble doing that. but really how couldn't i? it's hard being on your own in a city where you have no family, and very few close people to turn to and being a broke college student at the same time struggling to pay bills and get good grades in school.  I know there will be a better tomorrow and i will pull through all this, but it sucks so bad having to wait around for that day to come.  It could be tomorrow, or 6 months from now.

Its funny because just yesterday i was pondering this while i laid in the tanning bed and a song came on the radio called "sounds like life to me" and everything in it was so true.  for example one of the lines goes..

"Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me"

This really is just everyday reality and i guess ive never realized that before until it just up and smacked me in the face recently.  I just have to keep telling myself  "eventually it will ALL work out..eventually."


xoxo.
Megan

Stay Strong.

This won't be a long blog, but it's something i want to talk about.  God doesn't throw challenges your way if he thinks you can't overcome them.  Everyday we are thrown a new challenge and some times others and even yourself think you won't make it through them. but you will.

We are given challenges for one reason, to make ourselves stronger. So when something comes your way prove to yourself you can do it and prove everyone who thinks you can't wrong. You will see that you will come out stronger and happier than before.  Because dwelling on something will get you no where.
Have faith that it will get better.

xoxo
Megan  

 

what..i miss campbellsville?

For those of you seniors going away to college next semester and swear up and down they will not miss little campbellsville at all, don't be so sure.  In my opinion its a lot harder than you think.  This time last year I was so dead set on going to UK, living the college dream, being on my own, moving away from campbellsville and everything boring within it, and getting away from my hectic family.  wrong. 

If you grow up in small town all your life then that is what you will be used to.  Going to a big city where there are crazy people around every corner, and robberies happening all the time is a big change.  Don't get me wrong living in the city isnt all bad, it can actually be kind of fun.  So don't be so sure about things.

I'm transferring to CU next year and i never thought those words would come out of my mouth.  I'm not excited about going to that school at all, but sometimes you have to do what you have to.  Although I'm sure i'll only be there for one school year, i miss my family and friends and even my dogs too much to be away from them again next year.  and being able to stay in my room instead of small dorm has its definite perks.  For one, no community showers or wearing flip flops every time i go into the bathroom!

So all you seniors going away next year, make sure you spend as much time as you can around the ones you wont be with this time next year.

xoxo.
Megan

what's next?

What do you do when you lose your best friend?  What do you do when the one who made you smile is the one causing your pain?  what do you do when the one person you turned to for everything isn't there anymore? 

Sometimes I wish relationships didn't exist until we were mature enough to handle one..say in our 20's? i dont know but for sure not in our teens.  All heartbreaks would end and no one would be hurt by the one they love.  i know it'll never happen, but a girl can wish though right?  Its close to valentines day and for the past couple years I had no problem with the holiday and I had someone to share it with.  But now the pain of not having a valentine is back.  It's really not that bad, it is after all just one day for people to be lovey dovey with each other and to buy each other chocolates in a heart shaped box. i don't even like chocolate. But what about the people who don't have a valentine supposed to do?  Sit around and feel sorry for ourselves?  no way.  Valentines day is one of the most overrated holidays and i feel it serves no purpose for anyone.  If you love someone show them all 365 days of the year, not just one lousy day.

Questions are buzzing around me about my relationship, or lack there of and honestly i dont feel like answering anyones questions.  Its been a crummy week, and it sucks that that same crummy week involves my birthday, valentines day, and when i lost my best friend.  But i'm not blogging for a pity party by no means, just wanted to get things out of my system.  All I'm saying is if you love someone, don't throw it away.

So those of you out there with no valentine this year, stay strong and beautiful because one day you'll have that special someone that you'll celebrate each others love every day of the year.

xoxo.
Megan

venting session.

Ill start off with saying this blog really has  no point but for me to COMPLAIN!  Recently I've been having trouble focusing on my bio homework and tests.  Can someone please tell me why I'm forced to take bio when it has NOTHING to do with my future career?  I suck at any type of science, helllooo that is why my major has nothing to do with science.  I'm pretty sure when I'm finally a teacher, my kindergartners will have to know anything about bio!  But its not just bio, i have a history and a algebra class...pretty sure 5 year olds wont even care about that kind of stuff.  Whatever I am just so so so ready to start my classes that actually have to do with an elementary education.  I feel like I'm wasting MY money that I pay for college on classes that i'll forget about as soon as this semester is over with.  This week I just seem to not care about school in general, I have had NO motivation for any homework this week but I still managed to get it all done..barely.

Another thing is i am sick and tired of all this snow! Even though its February and still winter, I'm pretty sure we're still supposed to the see then sun more than once a week! and it ruined my birthday plans.  I didn't do one thing special on my birthday all because of stupid snow.  I'm just in a bah humbug kinda mood this week.  Besides 19 feels no different than 18.  And I won't feel different until I'm 21 probably.Oh well..there's always next year.

Life sucks sometimes but I read a quote yesterday that made me feel so much better and would make other feel better as well.
"Dear whoever is reading this,
you're beautiful so smile because life is too short to be unhappy"

I'll have to keep that in mind the next time I'm in this kinda mood..and so should you.

xoxo
Megan

Learning a lesson in an unexpected place.

I've recently jumped on the bandwagon and began watching glee.  I swore up and down that I thought it was stupid before I ever even watched it.  But when I finally did I fell in love with the show and the characters and now I can't get enough of it.  The strange thing about it is that it actually taught me something.  Stand up for what you believe in and don't change yourself just because someone else doesn't like or it's not "cool."  God made us who we are because that's how we are meant to be, don't change for someone else's sake.  Love yourself and be proud of who you are.  In the show they all have different struggles, one girl isn't popular, another guy is gay, and another girl is goth.  And because of who are they are, the are ridiculed and tore down and it should never be like that, but they go against the odds and stand up for themselves.  What I'm trying to say is that no matter what anyone says, if your doing what you love then keep doing it.  Don't let others bring you down because if there making fun of how you are chances are they're just insecure about themselves. 

xoxo.
Megan

Appreciate.

I recently have learned to appreciate all that I have been blessed with but I wasn't always really appreciative.  A lot of us, well most of us including me, complain about our lives, but it's hard not to when things don't go our way.  We're all guilty of doing it.  I don't know a girl who didn't think her life would end when "the one" broke her heart.  But truth is, if he broke your heart he was never "the one" to begin with.  Just because something terrible happens doesn't mean you need to shut everyone else who surrounds you out of your life.  Appreciate what you have been blessed with.  When a boy breaks your heart or vice versa, or whatever challenges God throws your way always know there is someone there to turn to.  Whether it be your friends or your family.  Never claim to hate your life just because something bad happens because it could be a lot worse.

xoxo.
Megan
 

Lets see where this leads me.

I've been wanting to start keeping a journal for awhile but then when i saw all the blogs being posted on facebook i figured that's just as good.  Since i've moved away to college I don't have many close "girlfriends" here and when I want to just let all my problems and opinions out I find myself having no one to turn to.  So, for now, hopefully this blog will act as that "girlfriend."  Maybe this blog will get some followers, but if not I'm not so sure that i'll care.

xoxo.
Megan