Never thought this would be me.

Lately everything seems to be going wrong in my life.  One day I had everything and the next it felt like I had nothing. I don't know why it was all took from me and I probably never will.  It's been hard, it still is hard struggling with everything and now i don't know what to do.  I need someone to come up to me and tell me what direction to go, and that everything will be alright.  Which I know it will be..eventually.  but the question is how long will I have to wait?  i'm one of the most impatient people i know and the longer it takes for everything to get better the more mad I'm going to get.  It's nice that I have my friends and family by my side trying to help me but they live an hour and a half away for me so obviously i can't always see them, so it makes it even harder.  A year ago i would have never imagined that this is how i would be today.  I'm normally a happy, optimistic outgoing person but recently since everything is going downhill i dont know where that girl went.  I wish she'd come back but right now i'm just the opposite of her.

Everyone keeps telling me to stay strong and soon everything will fall back into place, but how can you stay strong when nothing is right in life? 

xoxo.
Megan

ps. sorry this was kind of a depressing post..it just helps me to write everything out! 

The only thing for certain is uncertainity.

Life is hard. plain and simple. Everyone knows it and sometimes its hard not to complain about it.  You should  be happy that you lived to see another day, but its not always that simple.  I dont think anyone will ever know how your life can go from being perfect, to well being not so perfect in just a matter of a day.  I mean I am partly the blame for how some things are in my life because i wouldn't let myself realize what was right in front me and i took advantage of the one thing that was good in my life. And i can't say that i regret it but i can say if i could i would go back and change it.   It's odd to think how different my life was a year ago because then i had everything, i even had my future all planned out.  but now i don't know what i want.  I am grateful for what i have, such as a great family that will always be there no matter what, and friends that take my mind off the bad things in life.  I'm a optimist, i always see the good things in situations.  but lately I've been having trouble doing that. but really how couldn't i? it's hard being on your own in a city where you have no family, and very few close people to turn to and being a broke college student at the same time struggling to pay bills and get good grades in school.  I know there will be a better tomorrow and i will pull through all this, but it sucks so bad having to wait around for that day to come.  It could be tomorrow, or 6 months from now.

Its funny because just yesterday i was pondering this while i laid in the tanning bed and a song came on the radio called "sounds like life to me" and everything in it was so true.  for example one of the lines goes..

"Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me"

This really is just everyday reality and i guess ive never realized that before until it just up and smacked me in the face recently.  I just have to keep telling myself  "eventually it will ALL work out..eventually."


xoxo.
Megan